When I Can’t Sleep

There’s so many random thoughts going through my brain.

This weekend I need to: write in my journal, get groceries…

“You must not know about me, you must not know about me. I could have another you in a minute, and in fact he’ll be here in a minute” (Beyonce)

What would have happened if I had made that different choice in high school? Now I’m thinking about the other choice, and the other guy, and where my friends are now.

“Standing in the front yard talking ’bout how I’m such a fool, that I’m never gonna find a man like you, got me to say…” (still Beyoncé) are those when the right words?

Ugh, itchy spot.

I should cook pancakes this weekend. I should buy some chocolate chips.

“What about us? What about all the broken Happy ever afters?” (Pink)

I wonder if I should cut my hair. I want to donate it though and I don’t think what I’ve got now would make a very big donation. Maybe I’ll go short in the summer. But it took so long to get where it is now. It’ll grow back.

What do other people think about when they can’t fall asleep? Why are there so many broken parts of songs stuck in my head? How does all this stuff fit in there?

Advertisements

Feeling Bummed: A Rant of Sorts

For some reason I thought things would be different. A lot has happened in the past year, and I finally made a choice to move from the town I had been living in for the past 14, or so, years. I thought things would be different here.

They are, I have friends here and some family. I thought we would see each other more than we do, but it has been a hard winter! I live on the West side of town with means crossing a bridge that has yucky traffic. Often it can be icy too, in fact when it snows they change the speed limit from 90 to 60. I like this side of town, it’s quiet and pretty, but man it sucks to cross that bridge sometimes!! I always have to go home after work to take my dog for a walk, so I don’t often feel like venturing out across that bridge again after a long day of work! Therefore, I don’t get out much during the week.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I am stuck in a rut. Maybe it’s just the winter blues. My immune system has been fighting a lot of battles with colds and stomach bugs (mostly winning, I’ve been really sick only once in 2018 and that was right at the beginning of the year) so I’m tired!

I definitely like my new job, because I don’t find it as hard to get motivated to go to work in the mornings. With my last job I felt empty, trying to force myself to be happy to go there. It was terrible! I think it was because I worked so hard and wasn’t rewarded in the slightest, by better opportunities that I was working towards. It was terrible!! I don’t feel that where I am now, although I’m still not sure I want to do the forever.

I’m tired of being single, but I don’t know how to date anymore. I’ve tried the online thing, several times, and I just get so annoyed by every guy I talk to. They can’t spell, or they talk about dumb things, or I can’t get a feel from them by their picture. I don’t mean for that to be shallow either, sometimes a guy’s picture can be super good-looking but it feels like you’re talking to a dunce! I try not to judge by a picture, but then it’s also suspicious feeling if they only have one unclear photo. I’d rather meet someone in person, but I’m so out of touch I’m not sure how to do it anymore!! Or where to go!! All my friends are married or in long term relationships and no one seems to know anyone my age who is single! What happened to the days of being set up?!

I also can’t decide if I should buy a house. There are pros and cons for buying or continuing to rent, as there always is. It’s good to become a property owner and have your money put into something you can see, it would be nice to have space that is completely my own that I can do anything with, Bronn would have more space and maybe a yard. However, it’s a huge commitment. It’s kind of scary to live alone and be wholly responsible for anything that breaks and all the yard work. It’s a lot of money (but rent can be a lot too). The market is always changing. I’m so up and down about it I don’t know what to do. I could use my money to travel while I’m single and see the world…but don’t get me started on trying to decide where to go and when!!

Maybe it is just a case of the winter blues, or I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m crabby. There is a lot weighing on my mind today and I’m not enjoying it! If anyone out there has advice to weigh in on any of these things, by all means, share it!!! Give me a different perspective!!

Cooking for One

Cooking for one can be incredibly tough, especially since most things come sized for families. When I moved this last time my Mom told me I better eat healthy. I think I do pretty good! I buy vegetables and fruit, and I cook meat, I only fast food get take out once a week, usually on the weekend when I’m out running errands. I have ordered from Skip the Dishes a few times, and usually it’s a sit down restaurant that has take out and it comes with a salad.

I think the key to cooking for one is prep I think. When I buy meat I split it up and freeze it, except for ground beef because I usually use that for pasta or tacos and pasta sauce can be frozen. I split pork chops and chicken into two servings and usually have left overs one night. That’s what I do with sidekicks and potatoes when I cook them too.

When I buy lettuce I cut it up and split it into salad sized portions to encourage myself to have a salad with a meal or in my work lunch. I often have cut up raw veggies in my lunch too. Need to get those greens in somehow.

I also take multi-vitamins in case I’m not getting enough of something. While I have had a few colds since I moved (which I’ve been told happens for the first while on the job because of working in such a big environment and with students) I’ve otherwise been pretty healthy!!

I’ve also gotten more exercise taking my dog for walks, but that’s a different story!

Bucket List (so far)

  • Axe throwing (they actually have a place here, where I live, that you can do that!)
  • Ride in a hot air balloon…I’d probably be freaking out a bit inside the whole time but I think it would be neat!
  • Paint balling, strange I’ve never tried this before.
  • Get a tattoo…I want one in honour of my late kitty Sargent Pepper, and something for Bronn. Just have to decide exactly what and where!
  • Buy a house (but I think I want to travel a bit more first)
  • Write a book…
  • Stand up paddle boarding, looks fun!
  • A colour run, the FoamFest was fun so I think that would be too
  • Take a cooking class, something different than what I would usually cook
  • Start my own family (gonna need some help on that one, but he’ll arrive one of these days!)
  • Donate my hair when it gets long enough
  • Finish my Wreck This Journal
  • Visit every province and territory in Canada

I’ll probably add more, but this is a pretty good start!!

Online Dating vs Me

I’ve been single for over three years now, longer than my longest relationship, and I decided it’s time to really get back out there. I’d like to take the next steps in my life like marriage and having children. If it’s meant for me, that is. Regardless, it’s time to start dating again.

So, I took the plunge and signed up for two dating websites. I’m not ready to pay for dating yet, since I haven’t explored my new city enough to rule out meeting someone in person, but I thought if I do some online searching it might give me an idea of what’s out there.

New Year’s Day I signed up for Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. I’ve tried POF before, met a couple guys that weren’t great, but had a lot of interesting conversations. OkCupid is way different as it matches you to people from all over the world! That’s kind of neat.

It’s day 7 and I am already tired of it. For some reason I just find the guys on these websites to be super annoying. Maybe it’s me, because I read a lot and write, but I can’t stand it when people can’t spell! I just don’t get what you’re trying to say when your spelling is horrendous!! Possibly meeting someone in person where they can just talk would be better for me, but it’s hard to decide who to meet in person when I can’t connect with them before deciding to meet.

I’m not writing it off completely, it is nice to have a good conversation once in a while, but I just don’t see myself actually meeting someone this way. Just had to try something and open up some avenues. I plan to find more stuff to do and try here. We’ll see what the future holds!

Writing is Hard!

I enjoy writing, whether it’s a letter to a friend, these random blog posts, or even a journal page. The thing is, it can be hard sometimes! For instance, I wrote a list of prompts for December that I was going to do, one per day, and I didn’t get that far into it when I got distracted and busy with getting ready for Christmas!

Life gets in the way, my overactive brain gets in the way, other hobbies and visits with friends get in the way. I think the biggest thing that gets in my way is trying to sort out my thoughts. There are just way too many in the small space of my brain. If I wrote it all down it wouldn’t make any sense!

This year I am going to make more “to do” lists, putting a blog post or two on it. Maybe one of these days an idea for a novel will come out and I’ll just be able to write it!! I need my own house, so I can organize all my things like crazy, and have a desk with my laptop at it where I can just come and go to write when I please!! That’s my dream.

Reflections of 2017

The Year didn’t start off with a bang. Strangely enough on New Year’s Eve we spent most of the night wondering what was going on next door. There was ambulances, police cars, and pretty sure even the coroner showed up at one point. I went to bed early to finish a book, I think according to Goodreads turned out to be my first book of 2017 instead of the last book of 2016.

I went on an amazing trip to Europe though!! I’d say that was one of the highlights of the year for me. I got to see Rome which has been on my bucket list for years. I also got to meet some really cool people and see a lot of Europe. Probably the best part of 2018!!

Then summer came and there was the fires and the evacuations. We were displaced from our homes for 3 weeks, minimum, for a lot of us!! It was a stressful time, not an enjoyable summer, that’s for sure. I don’t think I went camping at all in 2017!! What a bummer!!

I went to ArtsWells this year, which was amazing! Stayed in a B&B with a fun family and went to see a lot of live music. Different kinds too. You’d think it would be mostly a folk type thing but it was everything. We even danced with a DJ at 10am. It was a great weekend!!I didn’t get the job I am pretty sure I deserved, so I took a leap of faith and moved! I didn’t have a job to go to, but very quickly I found an amazing one that I enjoy. I’m living with roommates again which takes some adjusting, but I’ve definitely had worse. I’m hoping 2018 brings a lot more fun things and happy things into my life. I am planning on making a whole bunch of changes (minor adjustments, but for the best of me) so hopefully I can make this a year to remember!!!

Compliments

I try to give people compliments, but I can’t think of exactly what they are later on. I tell people that they have nice jewelry or clothes, that their hair looks nice, tell people good job. All kinds of stuff! It’s hard when someone says “what compliment did you give today?” Like I can remember!!

It’s good to give people compliments though. Even just a little one. It could make someone’s whole day!

Blog Prompts

For December I wrote a bunch of blog prompts in my journal and I’ve been checking them off as I’ve done them. Being that its December and closer to Christmas a lot of them have been about helping. Today’s prompt was “Who helped you today?” Since I’ve been pretty lazy this weekend, I didn’t go anywhere so no one helped me.

I ordered food though, through Skip the Dishes. I guess the guy who delivered the food helped me so that I didn’t have to go pick it up or cook. They also sent the wrong order so I ended up getting a couple of free salads!! That’s helpful!

I also bought groceries and went through a checkout, so the woman who scanned my groceries and bagged them helped me too!

I guess really you should stop and think because were out there helping each other in ways we don’t even realize!

Lazy Days and Happy always

I had a pretty laid back weekend. I wasn’t feeling 100% on Saturday, so I rested. I finished a book and started a new book. I also caught up on a lot of TV.

It’s not that I didn’t get anything done this weekend, I have one Christmas present left to wrap, and only one to purchase! I got my rooms tidied and vacuumed, and I washed my bedding as well as my regular laundry. I also went for groceries. I just didn’t do a whole lot of other stuff. I napped yesterday but I didn’t nap today.

I don’t know, sometimes just being lazy and doing things you enjoy just fills a person with happiness! The holidays are probably going to be a lot more busy!!