Thoughts

When I am silent I have thunder inside. My thoughts are rolling and gathering strength as they pass through the circuits in my brain. They come one after another like raindrops falling from clouds. It comes on so fast that it’s unexpected, and there is no time to catch them before they pass. Then I wonder where they possibly could have gone, has someone else caught wind of them? If only there was a thought catcher that could be put in place, possibly earrings that can be worn, to catch the storm of ideas and harness their energy into powerful prose.

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Distance

I haven’t done a ton of traveling in my life. When I was little we always went on road trips. My brother and I went on a few with my Mom’s parents across the boarder into the states and across provinces. We’d load up in their Motorhome and take off for a while. We also visited family in other provinces and in towns that were hours away, but there wasn’t any air travel (maybe once or twice when we were kids).

As a grown up I’ve done more. I took a place to visit a friend, and I traveled for work twice since I have had my current job. I went with a bunch of girls to Las Vegas (when we got there the whole plane clapped because we landed…it was really cool!) and I went with my parents and brother to Disneyland a couple years ago. 

Currently the farthest I’ve ever been away from home was last year when I went to Cuba with my parents, a family friend, and an Aunt and Uncle. It was also cool because a friend of mine got married there at the same time so I was able to attend that! It was neat.

In three weeks though I will have a different story to tell (and I will probably be telling it as I go, and for a long time after) because I will be headed on a European tour! I’m very excited, but also nervous. I’m not a seasoned traveller, but I know I will be fine and this is something that I need to do! Stay tuned…

My Day Off aka Homemade Spa Day

8:00AM – Woke up to a distraught sounding dog…my parents were putting their luggage in the truck to head for Cuba and Luigi (their dog) thought they should bring him too. After they left and Luigi calmed down…Bronn (my dog) and I went back to Be and had a nice snuggle.  Then I read my book for a bit and fell back to sleep.

12:27PM – Woke up for the day (planning on being lazy today so that’s allowed) and made a cup of coffee. Mixed together my spa day water (strawberries, oranges and water in mason jars) and put it in the fridge to set. Put toast in the toaster. Mixed together my hair mask (1 avacado + 2 tbsp honey + 1 tbsp olive oil) and carefully put it in. It is messy…looks like someone put boogers in my hair or something…but it smells nice!! Toast is finished so I put peanut butter and banana on it. Put on Supernatural and sat down to eat and let my hair mask set.

1:50PM – I asked Siri if I should shampoo after the hair mask and all of a sudden Bronn started whining “who is this British man you are talking to and why can’t he come play?” Supernatural is just ending so I’ve probably had this in for about 50 minutes. We’ll see what happens.

2:10PM – Out of the shower. I rinsed the hair mask out then shampooed and conditioned. I also used a coffee body scrub I made a while ago. I did it on my full body, usually I just used it on my thighs and hips to tighten the skin but it’s a spa day so I said what the heck. It is coffee grounds, sea salt, Epsom salt, coconut oil and “Doterra Smart and Sassy” essential oil. Afterwards I used Arbonne Aromassentials Awaken Bath/Shower gel. When I got out of the shower I used Jergens Moisturizer for Wet Skin. I feel so soft! 

2:32PM – Blow dried my hair. Noticed some avacado was still in my hair, haha oops! It seems a bit shinier and feels pretty soft! Wearing my yoga pants and keep it real top. Comfiness!!

2:45PM – Got my foot soak happening (1/4 cup listerine, 1/4 cup vinegar, warm water) and my “spa water”. Now I’m watching Paper Towns. Read the book, we’ll see how it goes.

3:20PM – Filed my feet, man that is hard work! I say kudos to all of those women (and men) who do that for a living!! My feet are now optioned and feeling softer and I plan to do my toenails soon after the lotion sinks in.

4:27PM – Paper Towns is over, not a bad movie. We should all have epic adventures once in a while. Those ones that stick with you and you could write a book about it…where it began, how you felt after. Yep! Do it! At this point in today’s adventure my toenails are now painted orange and I’m trying to decide what to do next!

5:17PM – Ventured downtown to mail some packages. Decided to grab Wings & Wedges from 7/11 for dinner, not the healthiest option but maybe better than McDonalds. Watching an old movie called The Vanishing which stars Jeff Bridges, Kieffer Sutherland and Sandra Bullock.

7:12PM – Safe to say I had a pretty relaxing day! I am going to have a nice bubble bath now and continue to relax until bedtime. I might keep making Happy CD’s for a few good people, or just journal and watch movies, or read. I’m not sure! I’m feeling pretty nice though!

Stressed

I haven’t been feeling well for a few days, and I am also really stressed out from work. I thought I’d have a glass of wine or two last Friday to relax or something, but I ended up getting pretty drunk. Has that ever happened to you? You’re just chilling out listening to music and the next thing you know you wake up in bed feeling like crap? Okay, it wasn’t quite like that, I was watching some movies and getting together some playlists for friends, Happy CD’s. I just enjoyed what I was drinking and how I was feeling, and did feel hungover the next day. At least I was safe at home. 

I’ve been working on drinking less alcohol and less often. I have been doing quite well. Definitely drinking alcohol less often, problem is a couple of times I drank too much when I did let loose. It could be worse, I suppose. The bigger issue was that I had been fighting off the cold everyone else had, and so I probably weakened my immune system. I also felt bummed out for the rest of the weekend. Could have been the time change too I suppose.

Well now I don’t feel well. I’ve had an upset stomach, headache and dizziness. I missed a day and a bit of work. I am starting to feel better but not 100%…it takes time I guess. What is bothering me most is that I am tired of my job. When I went in yesterday it was like they couldn’t survive without me…which should feel good but it’s not because I’m also not appreciated. The thing is, what didn’t get done is probably important (say if a bigger boss came in) and the manager could/should have done it!

My new plan is to start applying for jobs anywhere and everywhere. It might be time for me to move away from home…to spread my wings, grab my little dog and hit the yellow brick road! We’ll see what happens…

Obscurity-Haven

To me obscurity would be like being invisible. If no one could see or hear me, even if they knew I was there but they just didn’t care. It could even be like a super power. One could be The Obscure, hidden in plain sight, sitting in a room with the mafia and learning their hidden agendas. Then able to meet with the police and show them self with the evidence to take the mafia down.

Haven is somewhere special. This would be the place where the obscure feels safe. The fortress of solitude or the batcave. Only those who make the obscure feel safe and cared for will invited to this haven. It is off the map and tricky to get to.

That’s what I imagine when I see those words.

Colours

Once upon a time there were only 5 colours. Red, blue, yellow, white, and black. They kept to their own kind, and life was pretty boring. 

Then one day, red and blue fell in love. It caused all kinds of gossip, but red and blue didn’t care. It was them against the world. Lucky for them a yellow was very accepting and agreed to perform a wedding ceremony for them. 

A little while later they had a baby. They called her purple. Many of the other colours came to see purple and she was the most beautiful one they’d ever seen!  

Soon everyone realized that it was okay if two different colours got together. Many different partnerships were formed and then came orange, pink and green. From there many more colours and shades of colours. It was beautiful. Now they get together to celebrate. They call their celebration rainbow.

I Want to DisappearĀ 

Sometimes I want to be someone else for a while. Not as often as I used to when I was younger. I’ve become pretty comfortable with who I am, but sometimes it would still be nice. Just to get away from the way things are right now. 

Well, mostly it would go be someone who has an amazing job! I think I need a change from mine. It’s been almost three years, which is pretty awesome, but I think there are just things that don’t change and the repetition of it gets very frustrating. Especially since there is this one co-worker that has a strange personality…things will be good for a few months then she does a 180 back to her old behaviour…she gets talked to and gives everyone the silent treatment for a few days and things get good then a few months later another 180! It’s very frustrating. 

It doesn’t help that my loyalty feels like it means nothing because they didn’t give me a full-time job. So yes, sometimes I would like to disappear into a life of luxury or something. Or maybe I’d be a traveling journalist. Something exciting!! I wouldn’t mind writing for Cosmopolitan magazine, or Glamour. Those are my favourite ones to read. More often lately I’ve been reading from cover to cover and I could see myself writing some of these articles. It would be fun to write the articles where you get to try something new and write about your experience. That would be cool! That’s where I’d like to disappear to!! 

Winter

People keep saying this winter is going to last forever.

I don’t even remember what the last one was like.

Every time we think it’s going to be over, snow keeps falling.

It feels like it just keeps starting over again.

Things I Do Badly

  • Tolerate alcohol (it makes me sick more often than it used to)
  • Play any instrument (never learned a thing, so if I tried it would not work out so well)
  • Type with my fingers on the right keys (I’ve tried, I’ve taken a few courses, but I just go right back to my old habits, typing super fast but only with my left hand and one or two fingers on my right hand)
  • Keeping up with exercise (I get lazy!)
  • Remembering to floss (I’m working on this, but I don’t like it)
  • Phone people (Remember the days when we used to talk on the phone all the time, but then we started texting and using chats online…I just don’t like talking on the phone anymore…it’s weird!)

I’m sure there is a lot more but that’s all I can think of off the top of my head!

I Hate Being Sick

I’ve had my current job for 2 1/2 years…closer to three as my three year anniversary is in June. When I first started it I was very overwhelmed. Not just at work, but finding a balance with my personal life as well. I was back on the dating scene and it was not going well. I’ve still been living at home, and although I have a dog who keeps me sane, it poses challenges with my roommates, more commonly known as Mom, Dad and Grandma. So basically I was stressed, and possibly a little depressed. 

One weekend we went for a fun concert series in Sunpeaks, and the morning before we left I had booked a short horseback riding trip. It was maybe half an hour, and just as we were getting back to the barns my horse decided I needed to get off in a hurry. Part of me thinks one of the star studs in my boot pulled his hair or something. Anyways, I was thrown. The rescue team came, then the ambulance, then I was driven an hour to the closest hospital for the once over. The guy I was dating at the time came with me, but we weren’t really dating because he was moving away (which he did, one year later.) The guy in the back of the ambulance was nice and funny…I should have dated him.

This lead to my first absence, after only being employed for two months. I was kept off my feet, and went to physio, for two weeks. Then I came back for short shifts, then they increased by two hours for a week then I was back to full time. I was stressed. Then someone retired, someone moved to another ministry, and someone announced their pregnancy. All great news for great women, but I had to give up an auxiliary position with the university where I had hoped to get a full-time position, it was my dream. 

I was miserable. On the weekends I drank too much alcohol and wasted the days sleeping, then during the week I’d get sick. I was also finding myself getting bad cramps during “that time of the month” so I went to the doctor and went back on the pill. That helped with some of my absences from work.

Then when we went to Disneyland, I found myself having anxiety attacks. So I went back to the doctor and got some help. I stopped drinking alcohol for months, and now I focus on having less when I do have it. In the past year I have cut my work absences in half. It’s a great accomplishment.

That being said, right now I find myself catching that cold that’s been going around, and right now I am trying to fight it. When I got home from work today I had a special hot lemon drink. It is made with slices of lemon and oranges, grated ginger, turmeric and honey and put into hot water. It’s full of good things that fight colds, flues and help with immunity. Then after dinner I had a hot bath with Epsom salts and eucalyptus essential oils. Soon I will make myself a cup of neocitran and go to bed early to rest.

I also find that doing positive things for myself when I am off work helps a lot. Last year I had a daily colouring calendar and this year I have a daily origami calendar. I’ve been focusing on journaling, started habit tracking this year, and spend time with my dog and on my phone less. Being healthy is a lot nicer than being sick, even if it’s only once in a while.